The Stolen Earth
|“||It's so dense.||”|
|The Stolen Earth|
|Jack's Anal Bead Collection.|
|Air date||28 June 2008|
|Written by||Russell T. Davies|
|Directed by||Graeme Harper|
|Turn Left||Journey's End|
Avengers, Assemble! is the twelfth episode in series four, and is really really good because it has a lot of things in it. It is one of the rare episodes to feature everyone in the known universe, with the exception of Griffith Stantsfield who was ill from the flu and had to be replaced with a CGI double. It is also well known for being the nuwho debut of Davros, portrayed by Julian "Rose Is Unemployed But Can Still Afford Hair" Bleach. It stars Richard Hammond as the Doctor, and Catherine Tate, Freema Agyeman, Billie Piper, John Barrowman, and Elisabeth Sladen as his companions, though only big mouth actually hangs out with him.
TLDR: It's shit.
Donna has just said the magic "end the season" words to the Doctor, prompting him to immediately return to earth for... some reason, I guess. He arrives just in time to find his dreaded enemy, the Milk-Man, making his terrible rounds. After a quick pop back into the TARDIS to grab a firearm to deal with him once and for all, he returns to find that earth has gone missing. Again.
Suddenly, we're in any TV show except Doctor Who. The Torchwood team thinks they spilled coffee on the Rift again. Sarah Jane manages to pull her face out of her shota lover's lap long enough to notice everything's gone dark. Law and Order: Special Victims UNIT also seems to be full of people surprised that it's dark out, even though that's quite likely given the time difference between New York and London. Then again, there was a milk man in london, and he seemed to be dropping off, not picking up, so that would probably put it in the morning time... sometime in the 1950s?
Also, turns out it's Daleks who stole the missing planets and they want to exterminate earth. Sorry, was that important? Eh, thinking about it, no it really wasn't.
The Doctor does the only thing he knows how to do anymore: Call the police. The Doctor takes Donna to meet the Shadow Proclamation, which consists of some psychic(?) albinos and a judoon platoon dressed in maroon. According to The Davies, the intent was for something more like the senate from The Phantom Menace, consisting over every alien species ever seen on the program. Surprisingly, that wasn't in the budget.
Somehow, colony collapse disorder turns out to have been caused by Daleks stealing earth, which somehow leaves a tapioca trail that leads to the Medusa Cascade, and only the combined efforts of everybody on earth calling the Doctor on his cell phone can get him to save us? Isn't that the plot of Last of the Time Lords?
On earth, things have gotten rough. Harriet Jones, Former Prime Minister (yes we know who you are) is exterminated, as are UNIT, Torchwood, and SHIELD. But thankfully, the Doctor is here to make it all better, starting with a bit of clever and heavy debate with Davros:
The Doctor lands on earth and gets to meet his chavfu for the first time in ages. They literally run towards each other in slow motion like it's a dewy meadow, when out the fuck of nowhere the Doctor gets winged by a Dalek. Rose is pretty bummed about it, and they drag the Doctor back into the TARDIS for a big, grand regeneration that certainly won't be a huge fucking travesty of a letdown that completely ruins the series going forward...
So what now? It's a finale. I can't skip it.
Watch the clips on YouTube. They uploaded strictly the GOAT parts only.