The Return of Doctor Mysterio

Stan Lee presents: Superman vs the Headcases
The Return of Dr Mysterio Poster.jpg
Season: 10
Episode: Christmas Special II: Electric boogalo
Vital statistics
Air date Somewhere around Winter solstice of 2016
Written by Steven Moffat
Directed by Ed Bazalgette
Episode guide
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The Bedding of River Song The Pilot
Super asymmetric G to the rescue!
Who even knows at this point...
Lucy Fletcher.jpg
THE RETURN OF DOCTOR MYSTERIO! (Marvel wants their villain name back.)

The Return of Doctor Mysterio (I can't believe it's an actual title, it sounds like something /who/ would come up with to take the piss) is the non-canon 2016 Christmas Special which features a superhero as a effort to pander to capeshit-loving audiences and Mexicans.


It features Sir High Lord Capal of Dicks as The Doctor and Matt Leukemia as Nardole again for some reason.

It had the working title of "The Return of Doctor Pissterio" and (much earlier) "Superhero Shit.docx".


A mess, or maybe comfy. Too early to tell.

Seriously though. Why are people freaking out over the episode having a super hero? Have they never seen any of the previous Christmas Specials before? How is a superhero anymore silly than the other stuff? It's actually quite tame compared to a lot of the other episodes. Also, Zoe Heriot likes superheroes. Zoe is smarter than you.


So yes, what was this episode actually about?

Twelve decides to spend Christmas distributing candy to children. Unfortunately he mixes up his Rohypnol tablets with a magical gemstone which some dumbass kid called Grant manages to swallow and is thus transformed into a superhero - something about the gemstone bringing out your innermost desires and the kid just happens to be a comic book geek (of course).

So the Doctor tells him "he must never use these powers" or some such shite but predictably enough Grant grows up into a fully-fledged superhero complete with flamingly homosexual spandex outfit. Only trouble is that he's also a majorly friendzoned cuck who spends all his time being a nanny to his waifu Lucy's kid while she's out getting ploughed by the football team. Fortunately The Doctor laughs in his face about this.

Eventually Twelve becomes so disgusted with the level of cuckoldry he rams his fist down Grant's throat and forcibly rips out the gemstone along with Grant's windpipe and voicebox. He then pushes Grant's corpse out of an 89th story window and flies off in the TARDIS while titty-fucking Lucy.

Oh yeah and Nardole is in it, mostly as comic relief. No Bill yet.

Preview verdict

So, a preview clip was revealed at Children in Need 2016, and it was somehow worse than anyone could've imagined. (Better than I imagined though. Talk about lowering the bar.) You know the BBC just couldn't give a damn anymore when they hire supporting actors who are somehow worse than Courtney Woods, recycle music from Matt Smith's era, and have such terrible editing that a bowl of sushi and chopsticks that the Doctor is carrying disappears between shots.



It was pretty good (apart from the plot, characters, effects and comedy). One of the better Christmas Specials.

Should have been Karkus.