The Girl Who Waited
|The GOAT Who Waited|
|Air date||10 September 2011|
|Written by||Tom MacRae|
|Directed by||Nick Hurran|
|Night Terrors||The Goat Complex|
The Girl Who Waited (or, The One Where Rory Is Cucked By A Sexbot Of Rory And Then Amy Is Cucked By Herself) was the first of the only two viable episodes in Series 6 Part 2 Volume One Side A. No-one ever seems to bring it up for some reason, maybe because they don't want to admit to themselves that they cried. Come on.
11 shows his inner 7 with a ruthless manipulation that even pulls the rug out from under the audience. Rory gets to wear some stupid glasses and transform into Tennant. Amy starts the trend of Moffat-era characters in unconvincing old-age prosthetics, a tactic that would later extend to Rory, 11, Clara, and Moffat himself.
Amy gets stuck in an isolation ward for beings with a highly infectious plague that kills two-hearted creatures in a week. What a highly specific situation to find one's self in. Almost like the Doctor could fix the problem in a heartbeat (or two, heyo!) but that would ruin the story or something.
Rory goes to rescue her while wearing remote glasses, but discovers she's grown into a slightly saggy milf. She's basically become Laurence Fishburne in Predators, and is running around the place with a "sonic probe", a molecularly sharp katana with a pure steel blade folded ten million times by ancient NihonjinTRANSLATOR'S NOTE: Nihonjin means Japanese craftsmen, and a hand that she sleeps with every night and pretends it's Rory.
Rory, for his part, takes it in stride. He's perfectly fine with suddenly having a wife who's old enough to be his mom, probably because she already acts like it. Maybe, who knows, we never met his mom. Maybe she died in childbirth and Brian Williams was an only parent? Holy crap, his relationship with Amy suddenly took on a whole new dimension.
So it turns out they can still save the Amy who doesn't have to spend four hours in a chair before every shoot getting dodgy makeup slodged on her, so obviously that's the one they'll take with them on adventures in time and space. The Macarena happens, because the show wasn't around when it happened the first time, and the two Amies immediately begin having wild lesbian sex on broadcast television. Pulling away from her older self's gaping and soaking vagina, bordered by slightly graying but still bright orange pubic hair and destroyed by years of cramming any phallic object she could find in the museum into her magic box, the younger Amy says they need to both escape.
Luckily, they do, and then older Amy breaks a hip and keels over from arteriosclerosis. The younger Amy and Rory fly away in the Tardis, having a good chuckle at their usual abuse of the elderly, even if this one happened to be one of them. But rest assured, Rory's time is coming...
Once you think it, you can't unthink it anymore. How on Earth would it make sense to put patient into faster time stream? The pathogens inside their body would also be accelerated and would kill them faster. This is why sci-fi freezes sick people, how do you fuck up this badly? Just toss Doctor and Rory into the slow quarantine instead and you get the same story, only making sense. Jesus. I mean, if the sickness is somehow except from time dilation or located outside the planet and people out to beam death ray on them or something that all would make sense, but there's nothing to indicate this.
The Girl Who Waited is part of an ongoing theme in series 6 and 7 where Rory and the Doctor are conflated. It starts back in series 5 with The Big Bang, where Rory becomes an ancient and eternally youthful guardian with a magic box, but in series 6 it really starts to take off. In this episode in particular, Rory complains to the Doctor that he's "turning me into you." And then, moments later, he says the magic words.
GOAT, sad, a bit artificial in construction (shouldn't she just wake up with Rory in New York like nothing happened? That's how it works in every other episode), and just similar enough to the God Complex that it's easy to mix the two up in your memory, hence why it's not as well regarded as it should be. Speaking of...