The Exxilons

The Exxilons
Vital statistics
Range The Fourth Doctor Adventures
Release number 4.1
Release date 15 January 2015
Writer Nicholas Briggs
Doctor Fourth Doctor
Publication order
Previous Next
Zygon Hunt The Darkness of Glass

The Exxilons is a Big Cumshot play starring Tom Based-ker's Fourth Doctor, Cindy Lou-Who's Leather girl, and John Leeson's Gay 9.


The Exxilons, who have apparently randomly evolved to look like humans (and one of them has an American accent) are being mega cuntlords by getting the primitive inhabitants of a planet somewhere to build a mind-draining beacon that connects to the gigantic mega energy-draining city beacon back on Exxilon. The Doctor gets chummy with the primitive leader who refers to him as "Everywhere Man", while Leela constantly screeches her head off as she gets violated by the beacon, and some dominating Exxilon dude continually demands that she be "gagged and bound". K9 disproves of the latter, because only he should be allowed to get kinky with his mistress.


This story was written by Nick Briggs, self proclaimed No. 1 Death to the Daleks fan (and also the only Death to the Daleks fan). It's entirely likely that he entered a hysterical gigglefit of child-like excitement upon commencing production of this story, that probably didn't end until it was actually officially released. Rumour has it that when Tom gave his sexy voice over work for the story, Nick jizzed so hard that the entire recording studio got flooded, causing an attending Matt Smith to drown before he could record anything for his own audios.


Twas a fun romp. GOAT.