The Dalek Generation

The Dalek Federation
Theyphotoshoppedhiseyebrows.jpg
Vital statistics
Series Unknown))
Release No. Unknown))
Release date Unknown
Author Nicholas Briggs
Doctor Eleventh Doctor
Episode guide
Previous Next
Plague of the Cybermen Shroud of Sorrow

The Generation of the Daleks is probably one of the worst NuWho stories to ever be written. It features a gigantic foot and the saltshakers of doom.

It starts off pretty okay, the Doctor gets a glowy cube message from an unknown person (!!!). Stuff happens, the TARDIS is confused by an unknown force (for like the billionth time) and after some crap it picks up a signal from a ship. Apparently, it's two parents calling for help because their three children are getting on their nerves in new and creative ways. When Chin reaches the ship, the parents have, fortunately for them, already committed suicide. Unfortunately for him, because he is now stuck taking care of three bastards, Sabel, Jennibeth and Ollus.

After crashing on a planet whose inhabitants are so unwelcoming that it makes you actually want to rewatch all of Series 7 rather than see them actually interact with the Doctor (no, not that one), the tweed-wearing chin goes to court and meets the Dalek Advocate, then escapes from court, breaks the law about three thousand times and rescues the three kids, because he just cares about them a little bit too much.

When back in his TARDIS, he realizes that the little fuckers actually only want to travel back in time and save their parents, since the Doctor was a huge asshole to them all the time. After a moment of what the Briggs guy considered sad, the Doctor explains that they can't.

When the four spend some time on the planets of the 'Foundation Worlds', the Doctor wanting to get rid of the kids, because they almost found out his biggest secret (no, not that one), they find out that the people here consider the Daleks to be good. Wow, what an original idea! They team up with this Lillian Bell girl (who has so little character that it makes me cry), the Doctor hoping she could maybe take care of the kids so he could go and fuck his wife after a very long time.

Then the quality of the story, that has so far been pretty okay, drops drastically. Like from a mediocre sci-fi book to fanfiction.

The trashcans invade the Foundation Worlds and literally do what le fezzler has been trying to achieve the last few weeks. The three kids stay with the Bell girl and they bring the TARDIS to her owner, and let him go. This remains unexplained until the end of the book. Why did the Daleks let the Doctor go just like that, even going as far as bringing him his TARDIS? We may never know.

Then, we have a few chapters of literally 3 pages per chapter. Suddenly, there's a chapter where Ollus, and his both sisters, become old. Like, should-have-died-a-few-decades-ago old. No reason, the plot didn't really require it, it didn't help anybody. The book's quality drops another few points, getting to a sloppy one-shot that you wrote as english homework in fourth grade. Bravo Moffat Briggs.

At this point, you're about on page 234/263. Almost the end of the book. You're fucking praying for a good resolution, not those Series 7 Part 2 ones. Fuck you, apparently. The Doctor finds a grave that is supposed to belong to Ollus, one of the kids. He's confused. Jennibeth, the other kid who's now old, is a Dalek Puppet (don't ask questions, just pretend it makes sense). Ollus isn't dead, he lands his ship and crashes the motherfucking grave. He and his other sister, Sabel, both of them old, climb out of the ship. Daleks appear, they try to transform the 400 planets of the Foundation Worlds into hell, but since the thing that does that is magically connected to Jennibeth's, the Dalek Puppet's, mind, the planets almost become jelly babies (what). Then Jennibeth magically remembers the Doctor and everything is resolved in the matter of the last few pages of the book.

At this point, you're just sitting there, hoping that the quality that's dropped from your fourth grade essays to the episodes of Helen Raynor is only a really bad joke, and that the real ending was released somewhere online. It wasn't. The actual fucking ending of the book was worse than every Series 7 Part 2 episode resolution. I conclude 2/10 for keeping the Doctor sort of in character and for Sabel. She might've been the only decent original character that Briggs made for the book.