The Coach With The Dragon Tattoo

The Coach With The Dragon Tattoo
Such original title
Such original title
Season: 1
Episode: 2
Vital statistics
Air date 22 October 2016
Written by Patrick Ness
Directed by Ed Bazalgette
Episode guide
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For Tonight We Might Die Nightvisiting

The Coach With The Dragon Tattoo (AKA The Episode With The Plagiarised Title) is the second episode of the crappy spinoff Class. Except this time there's no Peter Capaldi to save it.

Plot

Ram is having some PTSD from the horrific murder of his girlfriend and loss of his limb, you could say it's the phantom pain. And if you thought that wasn't enough PeeNessie drops some new horror on him by having him witness several flesh-peeling murders, and on us with a lingering shot of his nasty coach's bare buttocks (I swear I saw some pixels of scrotum. Brb freezeframing). Anyway he is shit at football now because he has a robot leg that no-one has noticed, which is a subtle allegory for the PTSD I guess. While the rest of the team piss about achieving nothing and witness the death of yet another character from The Caretaker (the crusade against Gareth continues), Miss Quill is convinced her Ofsted inspector is a malevolent entity and has a funny standoff with him that is more amusing than anything else in the episode, except possibly the CGI on the dragon which is skinning peeps. Anyway they work out that The Coach With The Dragon Tattoo is linked to the dragon and it turns out there's a spouse dragon who just wanted to source blood for his tattoo-entrapped mate to drink. Ram however stands up to his mean coach and convinces the dragon to turn the coach into a chair, words that kill. The dragon coming to terms with its mate's condition is symbolically Ram coming to terms with his dead girlfriend, probably because in both cases the subject was two-dimensional.

Reception

rip

It's crap. AVOID!

Bad Special Effects. Need I say more?