The Caves of Androzani

The Caves of Androzani
The Caves of Androzani.jpg
Season: Season 21
Episode: 6
Vital statistics
Air date 8 - 16 March 1984
Written by Robert Holmes
Directed by Graeme Harper
Episode guide
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Planet of Fire The Twin Dilemma
Colin Baker received billing over Peter Davison in Davison's last story. So really it's the greatest SIXTH Doctor story of all time.
The Doctor, invited to participate in a BDSM 3-way by Sharaz Jek, with his companion Perpugilliam. Most of the following scene was removed from the final version because the best broadcasting company said so.
Some guy being forced to take the red pill.
What most fans remember of this episode. Higher resolution not available. Deal with it.

The Caves of Plot Device is the sixth serial of the 21st Season of Doctor What. It starred Peter Davison as the Most-Based Doctor, Nicola Bryant as Ameribait, and David Bowie as Sharaz J-oh wait.


It was the last TV story to feature Five and is absolutely overrated in retrospect, it was the tuggo of Classic GOAT.

The Caves of Androzani was the last time the Fifth Doctor would be seen on television until the canon Dimensions in Time in 1993 and the slightly less canon Time Crash in 2007.

This episode also introduced Colin Baker in his first outing as The Pie Lord himself.


Basically Five runs around a bunch of corridors as in every episode before this one with him in it. This time though he's not doing it to save the world. He just wants to save Peri. Seriously, everyone fucking dies in this episode (even the silly armadillo monster and the bad guy who thinks he's on House Of Cards) except her, making her the first most important companion.

This of course begs the question of why the TARDIS brought them to Androzani Minor. Five does jack all except get himself killed and everyone on Androzani Minor was going to die either way. The only plausible explanation is that the TARDIS decided it was time for Five to regenerate and choke the life out of Peri, likely due to the TARDIS having sadistic fetishes for her.


This is a comfy, GOAT episode and thus it is central to the canon of Doctor Who.

The antidote to the spectrox poisoning was “milk from the queen bat,” so that means that the Doctor totally squeezed a bat's tit.  This makes him the first sexual predator to appear on the show until Jimmy Savile.

Also we finally get an explanation as to why Five put a stick of celery on his lapel. That's cool I guess.

The Fifth Doctor heads to the planet Androzani Minor, which would later be referenced in the most canon and least coherent Christmas special of all time, when the Eleventh Doctor fends off a herd of Androzani tree harvesters.

Just don't think about it too hard.


Written by the omniscient Robert Holmes. Like most of Holmes' stories, he got the idea off of a /who/ audio mockup.