Sherlock /who/lmes and the Case of the Mysterious Shit Trip

Pic related, it's me. Well not really but I'm just as autistic.

We all know how Trips are pretty much the worst, right? They're annoying, they are some of the biggest attention whores on the planet, and they never shut the fark up immigrant. Well, what if I told you that there's one Trip who's worse than all of them combined, a Shit Trip with such explosive levels of not-very-niceness that he makes Cloister look like a functioning member of society? Impossible, you say. No such trip exists. But you need to remember, this is the fucking Doctor Who fandom. The same people who make embarrasing fanfiction with Nine and Rose getting tentacle raped by magic forest vines (it's pretty hot tbh, someone find the link for me again pls), the same people that think David Tennant was a good Doctor, the same people who write wiki articles containing thousands of words about some stupid fucking Trip mystery. There are no limits to the stupidity of this fandom (why is this word so amazing and great and also such a wonderful network to belong to?). So buckle up chuckle fuck. This is about to get bumpy.

The Case

Original Post:

On Sunday, July 26th, 2015, at approximately 5:08 am EST, an anon posted this mysterious message:

"Confession time:
I don't care for capaldi as the doctor, i havnt watched anything passed flatline. I think clara is boring and ugly. I same to make my opinions carry more weight when i trip. I also complain loudly about another trip but am afraid of a backlash if i do so using my trip. I dont actually mind them but i feel like they run the show when theyre around. I wish matt smith would have stayed an cried like a baby when tennant left and get furious when /who/ shits on him I havent seen much of the classic series except for 5 and thought he was a great doctor. sometimes i steal opinions from gb in regards to other doctors so i appear knowledgeable. I have only been "allowed" on 4chan for about 14 months i was under age before then"

Immediately the thread came to life with a burst of sudden activity as anons came in droves to the general to speculate, drawn in by the rank smell of pure, unfiltered shitposting. Although the anon's shitty taste was pretty laughable, the true area of intrigue was the mysterious identity of the culprit: which Trip posted this? And who was the Trip that he complained loudly about as anon? The culprit is someone who is nearly underage but has been around for a while, who is a blatant Tennant lover, a Trip, and someone who is a bit of NuWho babby with very little knowledge of Classic Who. Who could he possibly be? A truly puzzling conundrum, and one that I intend to solve, or DIE trying (or just until I get kinda bored).

The Suspects

What follows is a list of the currently active Trips that post in Doctor Who General:

  • Schlemihl- Possible, but not likely. He did seem to mysteriously appear very soon after the message was posted to try and clear his name, however that is most likely a coincidence. Evidence seems to support that ol' Schlemmy is a poor match, either as the culprit himself or the Trip that the culprit shitposts at. Schlemerino doesn't seem to get enough hate to be a plausible target of the culprit, and he's sit in on several different streams where we've watched Classic Who, which makes it unlikely that he's the culprit himself. Plus he seems like a p chill guy. Again, anything is possible, but for now he's not high interest.
  • Amadeus- Pretty unlikely. Ow my Anus is a mod in the Doctor Who streams and has thus sat in on several episodes of Classic Who, plus he seems very knowledgeable about the classics and even reads the non-canon books that only he and Bookanon seem to enjoy. Plus he is a very sweet person and is constantly sticking up for any Trip who is being shit posted at, so unless he's some Machiavellian-level scheming pyschopath (which would be fucking awesome), then he's probably not our culprit.
  • Sylvester "My last story was lesbian furry porn" McCoy- Now, this trip seems to gather seem intrigue. After the original message was posted, the general consensus of the thread seemed to be that McCoy is our prime suspect. However, as I'll go into more detail further down below, I don't think this is the case. In fact, I believe McCoy is the Trip that the culprit was talking about, the one he shit posted at while hiding as anon. I could be wrong, but my reasoning can be found farther below.
  • Frederico- Not exactly active very much nowadays. But it's possible. To be honest I don't know much about this trip, except that like most of 4chan he wishes he was a little girl and even walked around CostCutter once with a sanitary towel up his bum hoping it would make him have a period. Yeah let's move on.
  • Faceless- Maybe. Doesn't seem too likely. To be honest he seems like the chillest of the Trips, this level of posting things that are not very good in fact seems pretty beneath him, plus he has a pretty legendary dislike of Fivie (which the culprit claimed to really like). I can't really see Faceless doing this, he's usually pretty laid back, even if he has gotten terribly snippy ever since Wang left (I'm not sure if this is true but everyone else is saying this so I'll say it too.)
  • Cloister- Possibly? I can't be too sure, but this doesn't seem like Cloister's M.O at all. He's way too much of a sweetheart for me to believe that he could ever have malicious intent. However, he is an epic ruseman and has admitted several times to enjoying baiting anons on, so it might actually be possible that this whole mystery was god-tier bait crafted by the King himself. I kinda hope this is true tbh because it would be fucking funny. Regardless, it seems clear to me that he is not the culprit, but he does make a decent match for the Trip that the culprit shitposts at, since Cloister often receives lots of hate and shitposts from random anons.
  • Immigrant- Perhaps? He does strike people as underage, and I haven't seen him discuss Classic Who all that much. But he doesn't seem petty or hateful enough to be our culprit. Plus he isn't really seen much nowadays ever since he reportedly got a qt gf.

If there's any active trips I'm forgetting, please add them here, or don't even bother and just get the fuck away from this shitfest of a page.

Theory: McCoy Isn't Our Culprit

Pic related, it's me looking for hella clues. Except I'm wearing a fedora instead of a deerstalker hat and my mom won't let me smoke so imagine it's a lollipop in his mouth instead of a pipe.

This is my current theory right now and the farthest I've gotten with this investigation. McCoy isn't our culprit. But our culprit wants us to believe that McCoy is our culprit. Bear with me:

The original poster that started this whole thing, who mentioned that there was a trip he disliked that he always yelled at after taking off his trip first, he NEVER said that Trip was Cloister. Everyone just assumed it was. What if, the Trip he shit posted at was McCoy? Some time after the original post was made, the consensus seemed to slide more towards our culprit being McCoy. A big factor was this post, which was made by an anon who claimed that he had evidence that the culprit was McCoy because there was a former thread he had found where an anon was shitposting heavily at McCoy.

But something is off about that. Actually look at that thread he linked. In it there's an anon with a similar writing style to the original poster of the mysterious message, and in the thread he's frequently shitposting at McCoy. The anon who posted the link seemed to use this as evidence that McCoy is actually the shitposter, but that doesn't make any sense. If the shitposter is McCoy, then why would the anon yell at himself? The culprit told us in his original post that started this whole thing that he shitposts at the trip that he dislikes, therefore, if that IS our anon, then they CAN'T be McCoy, unless he hates himself!

This is where it reaches Chessmaster levels of scheming.

One anon eventually brings up that a lot of the posters in the thread have similar posting styles, and they all seem to be trying to confirm that the culprit is McCoy. What if those are all same, and that same is our culprit anon? What if he's using this as a final way to get back at McCoy, the trip he hates? He wants to blame McCoy for this mess and have us crucify McCoy for him. It's genius. 

He planned this whole fucking thing out. He posted the original post to get us suspicious, then suggested that it was McCoy, then same a bunch of posts to agree with that statement. He wants us to peg McCoy as the culprit so we'll shitpost him out of here for him, and that way our culprit will finally be rid of the Trip he hates, and he can be top dog. It's near bulletproof.

That leaves one issue. It's not McCoy, that much is clear. If that's the case...who the fuck is it?

Current Case Status

This case is currently unsolved.

If you have any information that could help us solve this case, please call us at our phone number, 0118-999-88199-911-725-3.