Prisoners of Time

Prisoners of Time
"So uh Kelly, just draw them in dramatic Power ranger poses..."
"So uh Kelly, just draw them in dramatic Power ranger poses..."
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Series Unknown))
Release No. Unknown))
Release date Unknown
Author Scott & David Tipton
Doctor Billy, Pitty, Jinny, Timmy, Pitty2, Cilly, Sylly, Pilly, Chrilly, Divvy & Mitty
Episode guide
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Assimilation² The Girl Who Loved Doctor Who

Prisoners of Time was a comic that came out for the 50th Anniversary of The Greatest Show in the Galaxy. Basically, Adam Bitchell is on his fuckin' period over how our lord and saviour Chrissie Eccleston dumped him for not being dank enough, so he meets up with a Time Gayent he met on Grindr, steals his vortex manipulator and teams up with the Gay Master in order to kidnap all the Doctors' fuckbuddies to... teach him a lesson? I dunno, it wasn't exactly clear. Near the end of Chapter 11 he says he'll kill all but one of them and it's Footface's choice as to which one that is. Yeah, not a very well thought out evil scheme...


The comic is split into 12 Chapters, the first ten involving the first ten incarnations of the Doctor and his bros going on completely unrelated adventures, before the companion(s) are kidnapped at the end. 11 is about the Eleventh Doctor getting to the bottom of the mystery, and 12 has the massive reunion of all the Cocktahs at the end.

Chapter Doctor Companions Story

("Unnatural Selection")

The Original, you might say Ian, Babwa, Vicki The Animus have arrived in 1868 and brought the Zarbi with it, so the Doc's gotta stop it.

("Bazaar Adventures")

Second Joomoo, the arse Jamie's been kidnapped by slave traders in a space shopping centre, so the Doc's gotta stop them.

("In With the Tide")

Third Mary Jane, Brig, Liz Earth's being invaded by water thingies and the Brig's been possessed, so the Doc's gotta stop it.

("A Rare Gem")

Fourth Leela, K9 Some planets' jewelry has disappeared and the Judoon have been called, so the Doc's gotta... solve the mystery?

("In Their Nature")

Fifth Adric, Tegan, Nyssa The TARDIS has landed in the middle of a Sontaran/Rutan battle, so the Doc's gotta do fuck all.


Pie Lord Peri, Frobisher The Doc's accidentally landed in an Auton trap, so he's gotta run away.

("Cat and Mouse")

Seventh Ace There are aliens trapped as old people because the Mattress needs their energy or something, so the Doc's gotta stop him.

("The Body Politic")

Eighth Grace (couldn't get the rights to Charley, eh?) The Doc needs a FWB, so he picks up Grace and takes her to some planet where some shit happens idk I stopped paying attention.

("Mystery Date")

Ninth Rose Some guy with an ego on an isolated planet has the hots for Rose, so the Doc's gotta stop him.

("Quiet on the Set")

Twat Martha In the 50s, the Dominators are kidnapping movie crews for some reason, so the Doc's gotta stop them.

("The Choice")

Eleven Clara (well, for two panels until she gets kidnapped) The Doc has realised Adam is kidnapping his companions, so he's gotta go stop him.


All of the above EVERYONE EVER, MOTHAFUCKAS The Master has manipulated Adam into doing his bidding, so Adam has gotta stop him (by committing seppuku).



As each comic is drawn by different artists, each one is also in different styles. And y'know what? Despite there being differences in shading and colouring etc. they all look pretty good...

..except One (especially one), Five and Eight.

Those three are drawn in unrealistic cartoony styles and um... yeah, they're nightmare fuel. Every panel for One is nightmare fuel. I would upload photos to prove it, but i may as well upload the whole issue if I was going to do that.


Other companions

Some other companions also appear for those of you who aren't keen on Vicki or Martha, or aren't too crazy about Leela or Peri. They appear in Chapters 11 & 12,,,

...the former where they're seen immobilized in Tomb of the Cybermen-style refrigerators, and the latter where most of them just appear in the background and do... not an awful lot... Well Mickey, Rory and Amy say some shit because the comic has gotta appeal to the NuWhovians as much as possible... yeah that's about it.

If you're a fan of Romana 1 or Steven or Mel (HA, as if) or Dodo (again, as if), tough shit - they don't appear. Though good news for those who hate Clara, she only talks for one panel. Yay.