Planet of Fire

Planet of Fire
A totally original and completely canon cover.
A totally original and completely canon cover.
Season: 21
Episode: 5
Vital statistics
Air date 23 February - 2 March 1984
Written by Peter Grimwade
Directed by Graeme Harper
Episode guide
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Resurrection of the Daleks The Caves of Androzani
Planet of Fire.jpg

Planet of Fire was a 1984 story from Season 21 created by PornHub. It features Cheater Gayvishun as Fivey, a ginger heathen as Short shorts Turlough, Nicola Bryant's tits as Peri's Massive Tits, and features the one and only appearance of Mini-Mattress, as portrayed by Based Anthony.

The story and stuff

It was incredibly saucy shit - Peri, an "American" with uncle issues, is stranded on a boat and strips off all her clothes besides her thong and bra to seductively swim back to shore, Turlough comes out of the closet (as if it wasn't already fucking obvious), and the Doctors' sex doll gets enslaved by the Mattress and is commanded to set him on fire because the Mattress is a sadist who's into kinky shit. There's also a kind of dodgy chase scene involving Peri (the first of many), where Anthony Ainley stalks her halfway across a desert and tells her to give him something that she doesn't want him to have.

Turlough eventually leaves at the end but not before confessing his love to the Doctor. Peri then decides that she's feeling an urge for some leather rape roleplay, so she joins the Doctor on his travels only for him to die because of her in "the very next story".


Alright, once you get past the beautiful movie-like location filming and the, erm... other type of filming that Colin would've felt quite at home in, this story really ain't all that good. There's some funny bits later on with the mini Master hiding from Peri, and some decent dramatic weight in the final episode, but that doesn't change the fact that the large majority of the story is sinfully dull. Also, Kamelion and Turlough needed far, FAR more development before this story in order for anyone to truly give a shit about them leaving.