My Endoscopy Procedure!!!

My Endoscopy Procedure!!! is a 2015 short-form docudrama written, directed and starred in by Claudia Boleyn. Noted for its mature themes (even featuring a content warning at the beginning), it consistently tops /who/'s list of most-watched kino, beating out even the Doctor Who Fan Film and Love & Monsters in its legendary stream status.

Overview

She took the long, thick tube down her throat like the champion she is.

There, I've saved you 3 minutes of wondering whether or not she takes it up the arse.

Transcript (aka hyperlinks are fun)

Hello everybody Claudia Boleyn here and as you might have noticed, I've not posted any videos for quite a while the reason being I've been ill and it hasn't just been mental health stuff, I've actually had some really bad stomach problems recently, so this video is nothing like my usual videos. I'm actually going to be talking about an endoscopy procedure which is the thing that I did yesterday at the hospital. I thought I would talk you through the procedure for those who might also have to have it cause I know I have a lot of viewers who also have digestive problems and stomach problems which are linked to stress, which is like me, so I thought some of you guys might find this useful in maybe setting your minds at rest about what it's like, cause I have to admit I was pretty scared of having it done.

So you might be watching this and have no idea what an endoscopy is. What I had was an upper endoscopy and basically that means, and I'm not good at science, I'm not gonna lie, it means that they put a tube through your mouth and down into your stomach and into your intestine and they put a little camera down it so that they can see inside your stomach and your intestine just to make sure everything's working properly and that you haven't got any perforations or any ulcers or any internal bleeding. It does sound really scary and I was really scared when they told me I had to have it done. Because A) I already get really panicky in hospitals. If you watch my channel you probably know that I have an anxiety and panic disorder and so when I'm in public I find it really hard to be in waiting rooms and in large crowds, so you can imagine being in a hospital is very scary for me, so just that on its own was frightening for me, but of course the idea of something going through your mouth is frightening.

To add to the fright initially was the fact that they don't put you out for this procedure, they actually, you can either have it without sedation and with just a throat number, or you can have a bit of anaesthetic so that's what I had and that's the highest they can give you, which is basically, it chills you out so it's like you're going under. You're not really aware of what's going on, you're sort of in and out of sleep. They can just do it, but you are conscious at the same time so you can respond to them. Now that sounds scary, I know it sounds really scary and I was scared of that because you know, it sounds awful, being conscious but not able to do anything, but actually having gone through it I can tell you it's fine. It's not nearly as scary as you think it's going to be. You think you're going to be completely with it in the brain, like lying there not able to do anything. That is not the case. You are so chilled out. It's a good place, it puts you in a good chill happy relaxed state of mind. In a way you can kind of enjoy the procedure.

Well you can't enjoy the procedure but the sensation, you're so chilled, you're so in and out that afterwards you can barely remember anything has happened and for me personally I was in no distress afterwards. I was in and out of sleep. I kind of vaguely remember them taking the tube out of mouth. I don't remember them putting the tube in. And I woke up and I felt fine. I didn't feel ill, I didn't feel sore or anything. I was aware that something had gone on in my throat, but it just felt like when you've got a very mild cold and you've got a slight sort of, just a sore throat coming basically, but that goes away really quickly. I don't know how it is for other people but the other patients I saw who'd had the procedure done before me, both of them were fine as soon as they came out. I saw them wheeled out into the waiting room as soon as they were done and they were smiling and they were chatting. They were a bit chilled out and high which was pretty cool, but that's a nice thing to know that's gonna happen, but they were fine so you don't have to worry about that.

The most unpleasant part of the whole procedure for me personally, and this is what the anaesthetist told me as well, is when they numb your throat so you open your mouth wide and they put like a little spray in, and they spray the back of your throat, and at first it's fine and it's just kind of this, for me it was banana tasting. There's like this sort of sharp banana taste in your mouth, and you're like: well this is doing nothing. This hasn't worked, clearly. Then they say to you: swallow it, so you do and you're like: no, this isn't working. Seconds later you cannot feel anything. It's really weird. But there is no pain. I think when you go into something like this they say to you in medical terms "there might be some discomfort" and that rings alarm bells in your head cause you think, is that your nice way of saying it's going to be really painful? But I promise you it's not painful at all.

It's a weird sensation, it's kind of completely numb and very cold, and it's odd to get used to, and at first you feel sort of like you can't breathe because you're not used to it, but you can breathe. You honestly can breathe. You can breathe it's fine. You can breathe through your mouth and through your nose. It's just a weird sensation. So that personally I think was the most scary part and that's what the doctor said would be the most scary part and it's not even scary when you get to it. As long as you know what's going to happen. I imagine it would be scary if you went in and they did this and you couldn't feel your throat. You'd be kind of freaked out by that. But if you know that's going to happen it's fine and it doesn't hurt at all. Honestly. It doesn't hurt.

The most difficult part of the procedure they told me. I mean it's weird because I don't remember it happening to me, is when they actually - again I am really bad with science, but I know that there's two little pipes in your throat. This is how they did the example for me, but obviously with more knowledge, and when you breathe one opens and when you eat the other opens and you can't breathe and swallow at the same time which is why we gag when we have something stuck in our throat. When they put the camera down that little food pipe, for the moment it can feel quite uncomfortable because you know, you think, oh god, I'm choking, I can't breathe. But it's fine. It only lasts for a second according to them. Again, I don't remember this and that's a really good thing, that's how good this chilled out thing is, I mean, even if I was aware at the time, I was clearly so chill that I don't have any recollection of it at all. So don't worry about that. Apparently it just feels like when you're swallowing a big chunk of food like you've had a big bite of steak or something. When I was younger I almost choked on a Smartie. I think it's probably something like that, but again I don't even remember that so that's how good the anaesthetic was for me.

Now I’m not gonna lie to you about the bad parts of the procedure but I can be completely honest and tell you for me I wasn't aware of any of the bad parts at all. My mum was waiting outside the room. Because I have a panic disorder they let my mum wait closer outside than other relatives would usually be able to and apparently she could hear me violently retching throughoutthe procedure, now, I'm gonna be honest, that's what she could hear. But I can promise you, I don't remember a single thing about it. So I think that's probably just a natural reaction. Clearly I have a terrible gag reflex and no jokes there thank you very much, this is a serious conversation we're having. But I have a terrible gag reflex so that's probably why, but again I don't remember any of that at all. Apparently that's quite common. The people, again, the people coming out of the procedure weren't distressed, I certainly wasn't distressed. I don't remember any of it. The only distressed person was my mum, apparently, who had to hear it.

The way they put the anaesthetic into my body was that they put a cannula into the back of my hand so it was like, you know when you have a blood test, they put a little tiny needle into one of your veins and then they put the cannula in which is how they attach the anaesthetic pipe thing when you're in theatre. They put in the back of your hand and it doesn't hurt it's just like a little scratch. I know some people are really bad with needles. To be honest I'm not really that bad with needles so I imagine it's probably more scary for other people, but there's no pain, it's like a scratch it's not terribly painful, you're not gonna cry or anything and it's really quick. So they put that in the back of your hand and that's how when you're in theatre they keep you chill and on top of the world. You might think, when I'm in theatre, oh no, it's going to be horrible because I won't be able to speak, I've got a tube down my throat, how will they know if there's something wrong? Well they have you linked up to the machine. They're testing your blood pressure and your levels and all that stuff, they're testing your heart rate, so they can see if you're in any distress and what they do is they would just up your anaesthetic to keep you more chilled out, so you're totally fine , they can see if there's any problems. Your body's not gonna lie they can see that and they can fix that. So you don't have to worry about that at all.

So actually going in for the procedure and lying down on the bed, for me personally was very scary, but again I have an anxiety and a panic disorder so I feel like it was kind of ramped up to 100 for me, and it's really annoying and I was kicking myself, cause I was chill, ya know? I was chatting to the doctor and chatting to the nurses and I was fine, but the moment I got on that table, it was like my brain was ready, like go for this, but my body is shaking like this. And at one point I was shaking so much they thought they wouldn't be able to go through with the procedure because I was shaking and crying and that's like annoying for me because I was in there thinking, let's just get on with it, but as someone who has a panic disorder and an anxiety disorder yeah, it kind of, well, I imagine I wasn't the easiest patient to deal with, let's just put it that way. But I tell you what, the staff I met at the hospital... people really put down NHS staff but these were the nicest people and they dealt so well with me. I suppose they've dealt with people with panic disorder before, but they were fantastic. And they were clear and concise about what was going to happen and they were friendly and when I was shaking in the theatre the nurses were rubbing my back and chatting to me. One of them was chatting to me about her kid who's my age and just generally, the people were lovely and reassuring and when I was wheeled out they were smiling and they asked me how I was and they got me a cup of tea and some custard creams and it was just, I mean it's not a nice procedure to have to go through cause no one likes being in the hospital, but honestly they made the experience so... as stress free as it's possible for me to get. I'm sure for people who don't have anxiety or panic disorders it would be absolutely chill and fine it's just this damn panic disorder which got me a little bit in the theatre but honestly, you don't have to worry about this procedure.

The results of my endoscopy were great. I don't have an ulcer or anything like that which is good. The bad side about that isobviously my anxiety and my stress is causing physical symptoms so that's the problem, which is annoying, cause in some ways it might have been more helpful to be able to say: there's the problem, let's fix it. But it's the old psychiatry stuff again unfortunately. But at least i've had it checked and I don't have to worry anymore. The reason I actually went in is because I told you I've been ill recently, well I was actually vomiting blood one night, and then I've been having really intense stomach pains, which is quite worrying, and I was really worried about it, but when I was younger I suffered very badly from gastritis and I had that all the way through my school years and it was a blight on my life. I hated it. It was awful. And so it's probably just, that was linked to stress again. When I get stressed and anxious it seems to come out in physical symptoms for me. So that was kind of it. But I'm fine and there's nothing to worry about. So after the procedure or the surgery, I think they call it a minor surgery, I'm not sure it doesn't feel like a surgery, but afterwards you're a little bit sort of... afterwards because of the anaesthetic for like 24 hours afterwards. You're fine, you're happy, it's not disturbing or anything. You're a bit chilled out and maybe you say things you wouldn't usually say. You're happy which is nice for me, to be happy, cause you know, I have mental illness so it's actually really nice to be chill after that.

We had to go to TESCO my mum and I after the procedure, a while after, and apparently I was walking like a zombie. I didn't even realise. I wasn't lifting my feet off the floor very much. So minor things will happen after the anaesthetic, but it doesn't feel bad you just feel tired and heavy and like, oh I could do with a really nice nap and it's good, you just sleep it off, and now it's been 24 hours since the procedure, almost exactly 24 hours since the procedure actually and I feel fine. I've just got a very slight sore throat but that is it.

I really hope this video's put your minds at least and it hasn't freaked you out any further. I was really worried going into this but you don't need to be worried. Most of the horribleness about the procedure is your own fear about it, not the actual procedure itself. I swear to you, for me at least, it was a really nice surprise actually. And no one wants to have it done but it's important sometimes to see what's up, and it's really worth doing and it doesn't hurt. It doesn't hurt and it seems scary, it's the idea of it which is scary, not the actual procedure. When you come out of it you really, I'm not just saying this, you come out of it and you think, was that it? Is it over? Can I go home now? What? They're bringing me tea and biscuits? What is this? So it's wonderful and I had it done on the NHS, OF COURSE, the NHS is wonderful and the government needs to give the NHS more money and the people working in the NHS need to have a pay rise because they are so wonderful and they work so hard. The people I met were just lovely people.

Okay so good luck if you're having an endoscopy or if you're thinking about having one done. And I would 100% recommend it. It's not like a fun day out, but at the same time it's really not as bad as you think it's gonna be and it's worth getting it done. Please don't be afraid. I'm a total wimp and I managed to get it done. Yeah I cried and shook a bit, but I still had it done and I'm a wimp, so you can have it done. Okay I love you loads and I hope you're feeling okay. I hope you're not having too bad stomach pains cause you're probably, if you're getting one done, you're probably having stomach pains. So take deep breaths and chill and if it's acid, then Gaviscon's good. I take Gaviscon all the time. I swig it from the bottle. The aniseed one though, not the mint. Okay I love you loads and i'll see you very soon. Bye. x

Reception

It was fucking GOAT.

Needless to say, an endoscopy procedure is a lot better than watching Timelash, any given season 24 serial, Fear Her, or any given Mark Gatiss episode for that matter.