Mel

Mel
Mel-0.png
Vital statistics
Played by Bonnie Langford
Years active 1986 - 1987
Travelled with Sixth Doctor & Seventh Doctor
First story Terror of the Vervoids
Last story Dragonfire
Previous Next
Constance Clarke Ace
Everyone loved Mel.
The Rani (aka. Mel) in The Rani Takes Manhattan.
"And now, fair Britain, watch as I slay this child with my bare hands."
~ Dialogue from The Ultimate Foe
This looks... wrong.

Melanie's Bush (played by Bonnie Langford from 1986 - 1987) was a companion to the Sixth and Seventh Doctors and she could scream like a motherfucker.

She must have been interesting in bed though.

Too bad that we're never going to see that happen because she was way too annoying. If you really must know, over the years, she's been widely regarded to be as annoying or moreso than Adric and Tegan. That's how annoying she is.

Character

Mel was a computer programmer and fitness freak who first showed up in Terror of the Vervoids and gave the Sixth Doctor a massive heart attack by forcing him to exercise and drink carrot juice instead of ingesting glorious pies.

Some theorize the Sixth Doctor committed suicide to get away from her.

Timeline

Her timeline is extremely confused. It makes River Song's timeline look positively normal. I'm going to try to explain it. But I haven't seen any of Trial of a Time Lord, or any other Six/Mel serial, so. . .

Sixie first encounters her in Trial of a Time Lord, when seeing her in the trial records, which contain his future. Vale's Yard tries to use this as evidence against him, saying that anyone who would bring a companion that incompetent and annoying is too irresponsible to travel through space. Six hasn't met Mel yet (remember, the video is from his future), so has no idea what the hell Vale's Yard is talking about. Mel is eventually dragged from her future adventures with the Sixth Doctor, to testify for "current" Six. So there first ever dialogue:

Mel: Finally a familiar face, Doc! First time you're the best dressed person in the room!

[Gallifreyan jury and prosecutor harrumph]

Sixie: Who in the Rassilon's posterior sphincter are you?

This was at least a better first meeting than Peri got.

Then, after Vale's Yard is cut down to size, Sixie later on takes on famous companion Grant Markham. But I don't have to tell you his story, as everyone already knows it.

The Sixth Doctor later on finally meets Mel for the first time, from her point of view. Together, they beat up giant plants, the Angel of Deepak Chopra, and the Vale's Yard himself yet again (and the Rani, but all characters are the Rani, so that's redundant). Then Six hits his head on the console, and becomes Seven. Then McCoy and Mel actually have a good rapport, but eventually Mel chooses to leave the Doctor in an underrated departure scene.

Departure

Mel hung around until Dragonfire when the Seventh Doctor put the psychic whammy on her to make her leave so he could rape Ace's face in peace.

He unloaded Mel onto intergalactic pimp Sabalom Glitz who likely abandoned her after enslaving her into a brutal existence of sexual torture. Bravo Seven.