Frontier Worlds

Frontier Worlds
Oh, hey. The hand is a leaf. I didn't even notice that before. Nice.
Oh, hey. The hand is a leaf. I didn't even notice that before. Nice.
Vital statistics
Series Unknown))
Release No. Unknown))
Release date Unknown
Author Peter Anghelides
Doctor Eighth Doctor
Episode guide
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The Taking of Planet 5 Parallel 59

Frontier Worlds is the twenty-ninth book in that pretty substantial series following an amnesiac and his emotionally-constipated friends (but it's—do I really have to do this for every page? yes? okay—probably not the one you're thinking of.) It was written by Peter Anghelides, who is a pretty cool guy on account of the fact that he pissed off Lawrence Miles.

The story follows the Doctor and Frank Sinatra as they attempt to ruin the day of a bunch of innocent farmers, who just want to be left in peace to grow some evil alien wheat.

Despite that, it's absolutely fucking GOAT. You might not believe me, but you should. When have I ever lied to you?

Summary

Most of this book is written in first-person, from the perspective of Fritz Kreisler, and everything horrible ever happens to him, because when does it not? Compassion also features, and frankly this book made me love her. What's better than an axe-wielding something something TARDIS something something? Actually, speaking of the TARDIS, I think I found where Neil Gaiman Stéfan Moffat got some of his episode ideas from. You aren't even subtle, guys, but at least you changed her hair colour.

Anyways, after the Doctor gives up and jumps off a cliff, he leaves Franz-Joachim and Kindness to infiltrate a farm-focused business conglomerate called... wait for it... Frontier Worlds. Wow, who would've thought?

This book sounds really, really shit. It does. There is no possible way I could explain it to you and make it sound even half as good as it actually is. But luckily for you, I'm going to try.

Plot

Perhaps unsurprisingly, the strengths of this book don't actually lie within its plant-focused storyline. It's not bad, by any means, but if that's the sort of thing that gets you up in the morning... weeeell...

It's never properly explained why the TARDIS ends up on this shitty colony planet—is it even a colony planet? I don't think the people in it are human... but they look human, right? They used some fancy, meaningless scientific terms or whatever to justify the story's setting. I don't know. Look, it was the artificial weather controls, alright? They got themselves stuck, and that's that.

Like I said, most of this story's from the perspective of Horatio Sponge (leading to some highly entertaining commentary), and the Doctor doesn't actually feature that much. Except when he does. Continuing along in a longstanding tradition, he gets separated quite forcefully from his companions, and goes off to have his own adventures while they suffer in his absence. And, oh boy, suffer they do. Then he has the gall to get mad at them when they reunite, just because of some seeds? Shove off, Doctor. It's alright, though, he calms down again eventually. And to be fair to him, he did get tortured.

The bad guy isn't so much the evil plants, 'cus they're just there, chilling and doing their own thing. It's the businessmen who want to exploit them that we ought to be pointing fingers at. The now-immortal businessmen, who are rapidly devolving into shrubs. Oh, and a copycat robot, but not that one.

Ugh, fuck sake. I can't explain this. Just read the damn book, would you? It has some really comfy character moments, and one of the best reveals in Doctor Who history. Eat your heart out, Simm.

Despite what Clara might tell you, plants suck.

Reception

GOAT. There's no surprise that it's rated so highly amongst the EDAs, even though I didn't quite understand why at first. Still, those same polls placed Interference pretty low, because apparently some people are too dense to understand a plot any more complex than "bad guy does bad thing, the doctor stops him." That's basically what this book is, for the record, but it handles it well, so I can't actually complain. Read it, lads.