Fourteenth Doctor

Even including females, how many actors are there left in Great Britain to play the Doctor? Clock's gotta strike Weasley at some point.

People want the Fourteenth Doctor to Paterson Joseph. YEW'VE LOST. WHERE'S MY MONEY?

I don't know, Rupert Grint maybe? The Doctor has always wanted to be ginger.

Nah, mate. The Fourteenth Doctor is a character of flux. She or he is always in flux, until coming into existence. Let us see the possibilities:

Olivia Colman Doctor

After Jodie Whittaker's controversial but successful two series, Chris Chibnall decided to try another actress he was familiar with. There was an uproar in /who/, as people called him a hack who only gave work to his former employees. She ended up being a good actress anyway, and was praised for her "magical punk star" persona for her Doctor.

Natalie Dormer Doctor

After Jodie Whittaker's extremely successful five series, Chibnall decided to try for 2 more years. He figured that "a blonde worked for me before!" Enter Natalie Dormer as the Fourteenth Doctor.

Her more alien Doctor got wide acclaim from critics, due to her more unassuming version of the Doctor. Frequent comparisons were made to Luna Lovegood.

Chiwetel Ejiofor Doctor

After Jodie Whitakker's one-season failure, the BBC went back to the drawing board, fired Chris Chibnall, and decided to cast their first black Doctor.

His Doctor was yet another typical NuWho Doctor based on Patrick Troughton... except his was awesome. He generated the Iridium age overnight with an unpredictable Doctor that oscillated between the extremes of comedy and darkness, generating tons of critical acclaim and praise from the fans. "Not since Eccleston have we had such an intense Doctor, except he actually likes the show!" the Mirror wrote. Ejiofor later revealed to have signed up for infinity seasons, ultimately shattering the three seasons curse.

Ioan Gruffudd Doctor

After Jodie Whitakker's six-season success, the BBC went back to the drawing board, fired Chris Chibnall after a lot of begging, and decided to cast their first Welsh Doctor.

His alien Doctor, based on the Fourth and Sixth Doctors, gained much critical acclaim, for being a Doctor who seemed to convey a disproportionately high opinion of himself that was often contradicted by his rather sane companion generated much comedy and character development. He generated the Antimatter Age overnight. "Not since Tom Baker had we ever had have such a perfect Doctor!" Gruffudd later revealed to have signed up for infinity seasons, ultimately shattering the three seasons curse.

James Corden Doctor

After Jodie Whitakker's one-episode failure, the BBC went back to the drawing board, fired Chris Chibnall, and decided to hire Mark Gatiss as the new showruiner, who picked James Corden to be the first twat Doctor.

And it was awful.

His Doctor was unlike any other Doctor in existence, except maybe a dash of season 24 Seventh Doctor, which would not normally be an especially redeeming quality, except that his Doctor was so unlike the Doctor that it was almost a relief of some kind, as well as the news that this wasn't really how he wanted to play the Doctor, but rather, how Mark Gatiss wrote him. Within a span of three minutes of Mark Gatiss' horrible writing, fans knew what they were getting, and the ratings tanked for the remainder of the season. During the first Corden Doctor Christmas special, just three minutes of pure Gatiss awfulness caused the BBC to pull the episode right off the air, probably the BBC's Christmas present to the fans, and it and what few completed episodes there were released on the internet, but the season never had a proper conclusion, because not only was Gatiss fired, but the show was cancelled indefinitely.

The only good news was that it was not Corden's fault.

Hayley Atwell Doctor

After Jodie Whittaker's five series run, the BBC asked Charlie Brooker to showrun. After some convincing, he said yes. "Hayley Atwell", who had worked with Charlie before, was picked as the Fourteenth Doctor.

Her first episode started with her floating in a void, screaming. It becomes a subtle deconstruction of the Who mythos, involving looms, and making a big stink about the Doctor's alien perspective.

(And yes, the Atwell Doctor does attract a newfound male audience, but it ends up keeping it due to its dystopian critiques, which ends up actually reaffirming Doctor Who's optimism. Critics call it the "anti-Rick and Morty" due to its repudiation of cynicism.

Mark Gatiss Doctor

Why'd you think he stepped away from show-running?

To the surprise of fans all over the world, he was... actually not that bad. They discovered that just because he wasn't a good writer, didn't mean that he wasn't a good actor.

'Kel' Doctor

After Jodie Whittaker's unsurpassable eighteen-series run, Cletuses are eager to see a male take to the role again. However, new showrunner Sneed B. Moff-Wiles refuses to give in to their primitive beliefs and decides to piss them off instead. In fact, Moff-Wiles casts an androgynous, pansexual, post-gender actrxx (gender neutral terms must be used) known only as 'Kel' in the role. The actrxx's traits are reflected in the Doctor xerself, who wears a miniskirt, combat boots, and a short boyish haircut that changes colour every episode. Xer companions are a black Viking named Toldur, and José, a Mexican living in America. José is picked up by the Doctor as he runs from ICE agents - he is an illegal immigrant. His struggles with the oppressive nationalist American goverment are a recurring theme in Kel's era, as José comes from a time before the Great Communist Revolution, when such backwards thoughts as nativism were made illegal. In the finale of Kel's first series it is revealed that Toldur is Thor (actually a Time Lord) hiding on Earth with a Chameleon Arch. Cletus stormfags everywhere cry and kill themselves as the God of their idolised mayo-white Viking race is revealed to be black. And also gay. This event kickstarts the long awaited white genocide which is a resounding success. The gas chambers once used en masse to kill people who preferred RTD to Moffat are dusted off and reappropriated for an even better cause. Everything is right in the world.

shit... 

what happened in that last one?

Eddie Redmayne Doctor:

Literally only suggested because he's in Harry Potter, and same goes for any other actor in those films (see Rupert Grint or other affiliated limeys)

When yanks are asked to consider actors to take on the role of a future Doctor, and said actor is supposed to be British, and Americans can only think of Harry Potter when they think of British actors

Richard Elfyn Doctor:

There's been so much Cardiff in it, why not have somebody who once played Gari Tryfan, a time travelling Welsh detective? He might even speak Welsh occasionally. That would be great...