For Tonight We Might Die

For Tonight We Might Die
Quill explains to Charlie, in detail, her plan to exterminate the gays.
Quill explains to Charlie, in detail, her plan to exterminate the gays.
Season: 1
Episode: 1
Vital statistics
Air date 22 October 2016
Written by Patrick "I don't really know how to write and am just winging this" Ness.
Directed by Ed Bazalgette
Episode guide
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It's the first of many mistakes. The Coach With The Dragon Tattoo

Is the first episode of the completely unnecessary and mixed bag of a debut for Class. It debuts a gay alien no one cares about, I'm-not-like-other-girls-girl, the token black character, the only character who receives any meaningful development, and a horny alien hell bent on revenge.


I'm-totally-not-a-stereotype has a crush on a gay guy, and has no friends. Hell, apparently no one has any friends. Except Ram, because he's already a well rounded character.

So basically the Vashta Nerada ar- wait, what? The Shadowkin? What the fuck is a Shadowkin?

Lots of random shit happens as we are slowly introduced to some very diverse characters. The school is having a prom at the start of the year for some reason, existing in the liminal space between American made-up schools and non-researched British schools. We meet Tanya, who is apparently 14 and a child prodigy and has an awkward habit of dropping cracks about white people and the Bechdel test at inopportune moments. We meet April, a loaf of white bread who has to care for her mother (paralysed in a butter accident). We meet Charlie, who is le socially inept for the mysterious reason that he is a gayyylien. We meet Ram, who is comically rude to all of them because he does sports. And finally we meet the show's one interesting character, Miss Quill, who is femdom central but unlike Moffat's women she is really fucking angry rather than just really horny, because she is enslaved to Charlie. Anyway Quill tricks some kid into committing sudoku to banish a shadow guy and tries to do it on April but Charlie's intervention means April gets heart linked to the head honcho shadow bloke (aka becomes a plot device). Later on the shadow dudes invade the prom. Ram's girlfriend gets VNA LEVEL SHANKED and he goes into an awkwardly choreographed rage during which his leg is VNA LEVEL SEVERED. Anyway after all this bullshit we finally get what we were waiting for which is the glorious tones of Peter Capaldinerinio who defeats the shadow cunts, larks about for 10 minutes and gives Ram a robot leg. Then he fucks off to Christmas and takes all the charisma with him.


Lol, wut?

Yeah, it did some stuff right and a lot of things wrong. While it's always exciting to see the Doctor, his presence kind of cripples the episode. The pacifist Rodian bullshit is already tiring, and makes Charlie out to be an idealistic fool, which he luckily overcomes by eventually committing genocide.

Everyone is flat except Ram. Even Charlie's potential is squandered for most of the series.

Who's the audience here? I wouldn't let my 14 year old watch this, but I felt silly seeing it, and I'm 21. Who the hell is the target audience? Ness doesn't know. But as we'll come to learn, he doesn't know much of anything.