Doctor Who: The Adventure Games

A nightmare-inducing promotional image for one of the games.

The Adventure Games were a series of crappy interactive borefests based on everyones' favourite infant entertainment program Doctor Woh. They took place during the Footface and Legs era of the program, with Rory butting in on their sexual adventures during the final one. The first two were released while Series 5 was still airing, the next two were released after Series 5 had concluded, and the final one was released after Series 6 to help soothe the audience's pain that was inflicted by how gawd awful The Wedding of River Song was,


Amy referring to the games after finding out who made them.

In case you didn't notice it above because you're an illiterate fuckface, there were five of these games, subdivided into two series.

Series 1

  1. City of the Daleks
  2. Blood of the Cybermen
  4. Shadows of the Vashta Nerada

Series 2

  1. The Gunpowder Plot
  2. Nothing else, the series was postponed indefinitely


Now credit where credit is due, the environments in these games look absolutely stunning... Shame they're so goddamn restrictive on where you can go. Seriously, this is meant to be an adventure game, why can I only move ten feet in any direction? In fact, restrictive is a good description for these games as a whole. The game chooses which character you play as for a certain area, you don't. The game chooses which rooms you explore, you don't. The game chooses when you go into stealth mode, you don't. It may seem okay on a first playthrough, but these aren't a series of games you'd return to in order to get a different experience out of it the next time you play them, because you will never have a different experience. Of course, that's not exactly a bad thing, just look at Portal - one of the most awesome games ever made and it's more confined than Karen Gillan's acting ability.

Speaking of which, Karen, Matt Smith, Arthur Darvill and Nicholas Briggs return to voice their roles from the TV show for these games. Karen, Nick and Arthur sound absolutely fine in all of the installments they appear in. Matt Smith? While he does sound normal in the final three, in City and Blood he is such a BORE to listen to. Seriously, you know how zany and upbeat his Doctor usually is, right? Well in those games, it sounds like he has only just woken up, is seriously suicidal, has an extreme case of bronchitis, and is on every depressant and sedative known to man all at once. It's incredibly jarring to witness, especially if you're just coming off of watching him in something like The Lodger.

Why are his eyes so shiny?

The control feels kind of sluggish, specifically in the first four games. The characters slowly build up momentum before reaching top running speed and it's kind of frustrating to play. The stealth sections are okay in City and Blood (there isn't any in TARDIS), kinda meh in Shadows and fucking ridiculous in Gunpowder. Like, in Series 1 the enemies' awareness of you would go from safe (where they don't know you're there) to detected (where they're aware of you) to danger (where they're actively trying to kill you). In Gunpowder though, as soon as you're detected, BAM. Instant death.

As for the character models themselves though, they look alright. Matt's one needed a bit of work, and Amy's hair is sooooooo realistic. Kek. Rory though... Holy fuck...

Oh, erm, plots n shit

City of the Daleks takes place in an alternate 1963 where the Daleks have invaded and killed everyone except for a black lady (which an extreme suspension of disbelief is required, considering black people were pretty much near extinct at that point in history) who looks like Martha Jones wearing Jo Grant's outfit from The Claws of Axos. Anyways, the Daleks then kill her and Amy starts fading away because paradoxes and shit. The Doctor then takes her to Skaro (???) to defeat the Daleks by doing a thing. They restore the timeline and tadaaa, everything's fine.

Blood of the Cybermen has a bunch of Cybermats infecting people on an arctic base with Cyber genes or something to dig up a buried Cyber ship and reactivate the Movellans, who are active for about 5 minutes before the Doctor manages to kill them all. No, seriously.

TARDIS is set inside the TARDIS and has the TARDIS fly into a dimensional rift that's not good for the TARDIS. There's also an enemy inside the TARDIS who endangers the inhabitants of the TARDIS TARDIS TARDIS TARDIS TArDIS TaRDIS TARDEZZ RETARDIZZ TARDus TARDOOZ TARRDOSS TAREN CAPEL.

Shadows of the Vashta Nerada is set on an undersea base that has recently been subjected to the opening of a dimensional rift, which has let through a form of deadly radiation, a giant alien shark, and of course the Masta Nerada. The Doctor and Amy find the rift is coming from a sunk shipwreck and turn it off.

The Gunpowder Plot decides to take a shit all over Gareth Roberts' The Plotters novel by providing a different version of events leading up to Guy Fawkes attempting to blow up parliament. Like seriously, the two stories aren't compatible with each other in any way. BRAVO FORD. No wonder why Gareth Roberts has become so salty to the show recently. It chucks in a plotline about the war between the Sontarans and Rutans (the only time we've actually seen the two in the same story), some little orphan boy voiced by the kid from Night Terrors, and rats.


Confirmed canon by some douche.

Yeah, not that good. It's a shame too, because these things are literally the only thing outside the TV show that the BBC has definitely 100% confirmed as canon. Seriously. Like, don't confirm Big Finish or anything else GOAT, just confirm a series of five mediocre games. C'mon BBC.

Additionally, since these games are 100% confirmed canon, that means that the aforementioned and infinitely better The Plotters is now non-canon. Fuck.