Creatures of Beauty

Creatures of Beauty
Vital statistics
Range Main Range
Release number 44
Release date 2003 May
Writer Brichs Niggolas
Doctor Torth Fifdoc
Publication order
Previous Next
The Who Pirates and Doctor Lazject Parusro

It's piecing the completely out of order elements of the story together as it goes along and understanding how it all fits into one big picture that makes it a work of genius.


Absolutely. 100%. Fucking. GOAT. Honestly, I daresay it rivals Spair Pahtz as the best Fivey audio, and it serves as further support that lord baldy himself should be appointed as showruiner of NuWho.

Gettin' outta there

Fivey, after learning all of this, then busts Nearzah out of jail and the two fuck off, a bit bummed out since they didn't help anyone and effectively wasted time they could've used to learn a new position to do the hanky panky in.

I'm not sure I follow...
— Nyssa, putting the listeners' thoughts into words.

What's going on

Turns out the rich bitch is collaborating with the aliens to merge the two species into one so that the mutations will stop.



Lord Celery and his accomplice land on a planet that has been polluted by toxins thanks to some aliens who dun goofed, causing the inhabitants to mutate into gross monstrosities.

Creatures of Booty is a Fifth Doctor ear story written by our Lord and Saviour Nichlaus Big the Cat. Naturally starring the father of himself and his daughter (who is technically also his granddaughter since she's the daughter of his son... families be weird, yo), and also Sutton Button as Neeson.

Wibbly Wobbly

The story itself, while quite gruesome (like, Caves of Androzani levels) and home to a very interesting society and conflict, doesn't have all that much to it once you think about it in a straightforward way. However, the key element of this ear story is that it's told completely out of order - Fivey and Nyssa depart in part 3 but arrive in part 4, while Nyssa is imprisoned in part 1. It's sorta like Series 6, only good.

Oops the Doctor's involved

Shit goes down and Nissuh gets arrested for penetrating a little girl in some rich bitches' garden, while Fivey gets laughed at for not knowing what the fuck is going on.