Asylum of the Daleks
|“||If there is a god, he will have to beg for my forgiveness.||”|
— A Who fan moments before lighting himself on fire.
|Asylum of the Daleks|
|Have you tried turning it off and on again?|
|Air date||1 September 2012|
|Written by||Steven Moffat|
|Directed by||Nick Hurran|
|Pond Life||Dinosaurs on a Spaceship|
You loved the Daleks as brutal war machines, now get ready to hate them as they turn into harmless pussies before your very eyes! What's that? Don't like sci-fi? Don't be discouraged! This episode is about divorce. Because Amy has never heard of adoption, she decides to leave Rory because she's infertile. Confused and bored? Don't worry, it means you're a healthy and lucid human being reacting to bullshit.
Good opening sequence though.
But in short one of the worst Dalek stories of all time.
One of the worst? It IS the worst. At least the shitty extras from Destiny of the Daleks made you laugh. This story has nothing to offer.
You can tell this story is abysmal, as even Matt Smith looks like he doesn't want to be there.
Prerequsite for watching this episode
Many viewers, especially devoted fans, have been pushed over the brink of insanity attempting to watch this episode and comprehend the sheer bullshit of it all. Many mass shootings have been attributed to the episode's disregard for continuity and plot structure, a popular example is the Aurora shooters manifesto, in which he wrote 500 pages of the repeated phrase "Egg sterminate, seriously?". In order to watch the episode with your sanity intact, the UK government was obligated to issue several precautions, which are as follows:
- Don't ask why Skaro has survived being destroyed.
- Don't ask why with such OP Dalek conversion tech they simply couldn't pour the Dalek nanovirus on every populated planet.
- Don't ask why this Daleks have gone soft.
- Don't ask why the Daleks have a democratically elected government.
- Don't ask how the Time War era Daleks have returned from extinction.
- Don't ask why they are getting along with Paradigm Daleks.
- Don't ask why Drone Daleks have seats in Dalek Parliament.
- Dont ask anything to do with how Davros or the Dalek Emperor related to Dalek parliament.
- Don't ask why the Daleks brought the TARDIS to the parliament, other than to serve as an escape for the Doctor at the end.
- Don't ask why the Daleks brought Amy and Rory along, especially since they become endangered and distract the Doctor from his mission.
- Don't ask why the Daleks selected Amy and Rory specifically and not any other companions.
- Don't ask why the Daleks have an aspersion to killing their own kind, despite the fact that their history is ridddled with civil wars, and the entire point of the Doctor's mission is to kill their own kind.
- Don't ask why Daleks have a concept of beauty despite Dalek Thay stating the contrary.
- Don't ask how the holiday cruiser could have possibly penetrated the force field if the Dalek fleets combined firepower couldn't.
- Don't ask why the forcefield can only be turned off from within the asylum, where the inmates could deactivate it.
- Don't ask how a "Tsunami of insane Daleks" could possibly threaten the Dalek empire when they are all trapped miles underground, many of them dormant, many of them predating the hovering ability and many of them broken and shipless.
- Don't ask how the Dalek Puppet design got green lighted.
- Don't ask why the nanobot-infected humans need to realise that they died in order to fully transform into Dalek Puppets, instead of just... y'know, fully transforming whenever Empty Child-style.
- Don't ask why the black guy was perfectly preserved by the cold.
- Don't ask why the Doctor needs to scan the corpses of the crew members with the Sonic Screwdriver to determine that they're dead.
- Don't ask why Moffat would hype up an episode about "every Dalek ever" and barely use them at all.
- Don't ask why Rory has returned to beta mode despite being a tough motherfucker in A Good Man Goes To War.
- Don't ask why the Silence would risk making Amy infertile when they would have been fucked if Melody died.
- Don't ask why Amy can't simply adopt a child instead of ruining her own relationship.
- Don't ask why Amy treats Rory like shit for the first 30 minutes of the episode despite later revealing that she gave him up for his benefit.
- Don't ask how the Doctor doesn't need a protective wristband even though he earlier stated that the nanobots convert any organic matter, living or dead.
- Don't ask how the Daleks that encountered the Doctor in previous classic stories all have modern casings.
- Dont ask why Oswin is in a special cell separated from all the other Daleks for no reason.
- Don't ask why Oswin's voice is human when talking to other characters despite the fact that she is a Dalek.
- Don't ask how Dalek Oswin can transmit the Carmen music despite it just being in her head.
- Don't ask why Dalek Oswin's vision isn't tinted blue like the other Daleks.
- Don't ask why the insane Daleks decided to put their resources towards converting Oswin instead of finding a way to escape.
- Don't ask what the point of erasing their entire history was.
- Don't ask how Dalek Oswin still remembers the Doctor despite erasing every Daleks' knowledge of him.
- Don't ask why the Daleks don't immediately shoot this potentially dangerous stranger who just teleported in from the planet, and instead insist that he identify himself.
- Don't ask why Nick Briggs gave his voice for such drivel.
- Mute the television before "DOCTOR WHO?! DOCTOR WHO?!"
- Additionally, unplug the television before the final scene of Matt Smith shouting "DOCTOR WHO?" to himself at the top of his lungs and spinning around the TARDIS console like a retard.
- As usual, just don't ask too many questions of entertainment and don't hold it to self-created minutia created years ago; that way lies Star Trek madness.