An Earthly Child

An Earthly Child
Vital statistics
Range Bonus Releases
Release number 8
Release date December 2009
Writer Marc Platt
Doctor Eighth Doctor
Publication order
Previous Next
Return of the Krotons The Four Doctors

An Earthly Child is technically an EDA audio but not really by Big Finish, where the Doctor finally does that thing that he said he'd do one day... now, what was that again, Hmm?

Written by GOAT writer Marc Platt, it starred Paul BASEDment McGann as the War Doctor before the War Doctor was the War Doctor, Casserole as Soozunn, and also Paul's son as Susan's son Alex, who couldn't really act very well but he definitely got better in his future appearances... oh, spoilers, he and Susan return in later audios.


Earth is screwed after the Daleks royally fucked it up the ass, and Susan is now widowed after her hubby David Cameron contracted swine flu from fucking pigs. She decides that in order for Earth to get back on its feet again, she needs to use her position in politics to summon helpful aliens. Of course she ends up summoning evil ones, because it's a fucking Doctor Who story. Her son Alex is racist against aliens and becomes indoctrinated by a group who want to see his mother out of office or something. The sexiest Doctor then turns up, resolves everything, hugs Susan, looses his shoe and fucks off.

Is it a crushing disappointment?

Ehh, not really. The interactions between Eight and Susan are utterly lovely, and the story is filled with decent characters, but you can't help wishing that they were in a more urgent scenario. The Guldreasi are pretty creepily voiced though.

Also, it deliberately contradicts Legacy of the Daleks, the worst novel of the wilderness era, and all subsequent short stories and comics and things follow Earthly and go out of their way to contradict Legacy too, so if you went through the pain of reading that book, you'll get a little much-needed catharsis.